I just read an article stating it's good to question the nomination of Judge Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, because she is a Type I Diabetic, thus she could have a radical spike or dip in blood sugar, impairing her judgement on the bench...

................................................................

I want to go back to bed now and wake up in a land where total morons don't get to write articles for major news publications.

Starbucks really - and I mean really - wants me to stop in and try one of their new "Artisan Pairings", which is basically their way of saying McMuffin and a coffee. They also seem to think I am a prime candidate to try out their new line of instant (yes, instant) coffees. I've been spammed with promotional materials, both electronically and via snail mail, for these strange products.

I'm open to any company expanding their offerings to appeal to a wider demographic. I'm also open to companies expanding their selection of niche items that don't push volume, but made a tidy profit with the select few who love them. I must ask, is the path to success for a struggling, yuppie-targeting coffee chain (which was built on the idea of bringing people better coffee than they are used to), shitty instant coffee packets for nearly the same price as a fresh brewed cup? Grease-laden, pre-fab breakfast sandwiches?

----------

Dishwashers are too expensive. We've been making do with the one that came with our home when we bought it, originally hoping to get more use out of it while simply changing the color of the face, but this thing sucks. The only good thing I can say for it is that it's relatively quiet during operation, but it's a very cheap, flimsy feeling appliance and all of the inside racks are janky, lacking smooth operation. The rack wheels spontaneously pop off for no good reason, and the washer thing that pops up from the bottom during use fails to fall back down once the cycle is complete. You have to push it down manually every time just to pull out the bottom rack for unloading. It's also covered with nasty stains inside.

I want to replace it with a Bosch, proper stainless-steel lining all around, etc. It's looking like that will push towards $700, not including delivery, install or take-away of our current washer. Bleh...

PETA Organizes Pro-Seal World of Warcraft Event

"In an effort to counter the virtual slaughter of baby seals in World of Warcraft, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is holding an event on Saturday that will pit their supporters against "four Horde seal killers."

In case that didn't sink in...

- "In an effort to counter the virtual slaughter of baby seals in World of Warcraft"
- "In an effort to counter the virtual slaughter of baby seals in World of Warcraft"

Why do shows I enjoy watching always have to be canceled? I'm not saying it was earth-shattering or great viewing or anything, but I was enjoying The Chopping Clock (for what it's worth) and NBC has already decided to cancel it, only three episodes in. They're not even going to show the rest of the first season at an odd time or even sell it off to be shown on a budget channel - just gone.

Bah.

I submitted a complaint to the NH Public Utilities Commission last week regarding my brief, poor service experience with Fairpoint (triple billing/overcharging, 2 hour hold times, three week wait for technicians, etc.). Today, NHPUC responded to my complaint and miraculously, all of my Fairpoint issues have cleared up overnight. Wow!

I don't mean to isolate myself, but sometimes the hysteria of peers is just too much to deal with. In the last 36 hours, I have heard the most ridiculous, over-blown diatribe from multiple directions. I find myself saying, "I really don't give a fuck" in reply and it's just not sinking in - they just banter on as if the AP anointed them as the official mouthpiece of humanity.

Two more days of bullshit and I can enjoy six days off to myself. I can't wait. We'll finally get our taxes done and book a vacation.

I guess I should go to work. "Got lost on Facebook" probably wouldn't be accepted as an excuse for being late.

Today, I woke up thinking about (other than ADHD, though that relates) writing; Specifically, why do I never make it beyond three pages? Perhaps part procrastination, maybe part perfectionism. Hard to nail down. If I knew, I would quit asking myself and move forward. Anyway, the thought arrived, any famous offer that churns out books does have an incentive of getting paid for the work, often in advance, which I lack - Yet, at the same time, these authors can pump out book after book and get then edited and published. How? Conviction? Being constantly ridden somehow by the payee or the pure dependence/addiciton to the income? Pure passion to write? I suppose it is a mix of all those things, but considering how much shit popular authors churn out through their years, I am can only assume a lot of the motivation becomes fiscally driven over time.

Perhaps I need to set checkpoints for myself, or some kind of goal. I will write the following on the chalkboard 100 times: "I will write three pages on the same story each and every day, without excuse, regardless of quality."

My "greek" yogurt is soupy. Yogurt should not be soupy. Greek yogurt should definitely not be soupy. It's honey yogurt, so it should be thinner as a result, but not this thin. It's ridiculous.

For a while I have been contemplating the possibility that I might have adult ADD/ADHD inattentive type. I've considered bringing this up with my doctor numerous times, but I always stall it off over concern with how many ADHD cases are bullshit and in my opinion, somewhat valid concern that the diagnosis as a whole is a bullshit way to explain a personality trait. I'm also concerned that if diagnosed ADHD and treated with stimulant medications (as commonly done), I could find myself addicted quickly and at high risk of losing control over the drug. Granted, I've never been a stim-head, but it's not hard to become one if you have constant, sustained access.

Nevertheless, I ought to at least go through the testing and make my own decision on it. My own procrastination and indecisiveness (doesn't help that these are both considered symptoms) allow me to easily put it off and not even broach the subject with my doctor. I have a physical coming up soon - I need to get on this, either to get started on treatment or to put the whole silly idea behind me. One way or another, the idea of taking stimulant medications routinely is quite appealing, which scares me away in and of itself. Numerous times, I've made a list of perceived benefits I would see from taking ADHD drugs:

- Higher concentration and focus on tasks at work.
- Reduced dependence on other stimulants (caffeine).
- Potential ability to write more than three pages on a subject without running out of steam or forgetting where I am going with the idea.
- Ability to commit myself to doing something rather than dilly-dallying for minutes or hours before even getting it started.
- Potentially lower appetite and dry mouth, leading to eating less and drinking more water, thus losing some weight! (this is by far the worst "positive" justification for me to be throwing around)

Downfalls:

- I could be more of a prick than I already am, rapid mood swings, irritability, etc.
- Anxiety that I can never put my finger on
- Increased blood pressure (I don't have BP problems, but my cholesterol does run high. I don't need a regularly used stimulant pushing me toward diabetic symptoms)
- Paranoia. I have a lot of bizarre trains of thought in my day to day activity. It could help me sort those out more quickly and more appropriately, or it could just make them overwhelming.

Already, I don't want to deal with it and I've talked myself out of it. I should just cut back my coffee as I have been, embrace green tea and exercise more - all of which are recommended by adult ADD specialists before taking a medication. The "normalcy" of those recommendations just swing me further toward the notion that the diagnosis is largely bullshit.

I'm not writing. It's not that I don't have ideas, or tools, or inspiration, or conviction, it's because I don't have confidence in myself. I'm going to put myself on a routine of yoga and working out again. I need to lose some pounds and shape up. This will boost my energy and help me to restore. I also need to feed my brain with something healthy - This is more difficult than one might think. There is a fine balance of healthy brain food mixed with bittersweet emotion that drives me to write. I need to find that balance - Music helps, so does the late night.

Oh hey, it's March all of a sudden.

I think I'm getting sick. Fuck.

Shortly after I woke up today (intending to get some things done before I left for work), my eyeglasses fell apart in my hand as I picked them up off the end table. WTF?

This forced me to rearrange any plans of being productive before I left for work and hurry out of the house and into town to The Vision Shoppe, hopefully to get my glasses fixed before going to work. This was quite challenging, as my spare frames (quite old) are stuck on a 4+ year old prescription. As it turns out, that prescription is crazy blurry for me now. Driving was... interesting. I got into town to discover that The Vision Shoppe closes at Noon on Saturdays - It was 11:45 by that point - ARGH!

I ended up making my way to Lens Crafters, where I learned that it would cost $75 to repair my frames, as the hole the screw fell out of was thread-bare and needed to be carefully re-threaded. I ended up buying a 2nd pair of glasses (thus getting my broken set fixed for free) for almost $400 on a whim. Gah! Impulse purchasing strikes again.

I guess it's not so bad, as I now have two pair of functioning eyeglasses that I like. The new spectacles are a spiffy, two-tone, black plastic and metal Ray-Ban frame. I had to special order them to get A/R coated polycarbonate in addition to transition lenses. I am told it will be ten days. I donated my old spare frames to charity. That's my applesauce moment for the week.

In other geek news, it appears my netbook and my TiVo should be arriving this week. I'm going to have multiple nerdgasms.

Also, WTF at the thermostat letting the temperature drop to 63 in the house? Uhhh, no?

I'm feeling kinda shitty and defeated today. I work with some really good people, but I also work with some real incompetent idiots; the latter are winning these days. I'm far overdue for vacation. I'm going to take some nice chunks of time off pretty soon, hopefully to restore my sanity and have some breathing room.

I've spent my entire day slacking, doing absolutely nothing. I am drained. I have no desire to do anything remotely productive. I suppose one might say that from a clinical standpoint, I am experiencing a depressive episode, though the "clinical" view of things is sort of making me want to vomit these days. Some clinicians bury themselves in the theoretical in the name of subjectivity, but this is mainly because that variety is a group of two-bit hacks, totally lacking in common sense.

I want to express my anger, but I know it's also not worth it. I don't feel good about being angry and I don't feel good about the mess I am then left to clean up after my venting destroys the egos of these petty individuals who fall to pieces at the slightest critique. I'd also prefer not to deal with their back-stabbing nature. It's just not worth it. I don't give a fuck. I get my paycheck and I go home. I chose not to define my life by a select group of mindless twats that I am sometimes forced to work with.

As I sit and write this, I contemplate wether it is a good idea to voice these feelings to the great anonymous public. I realize that I've become complacent with myself in going out of my way to not offend others in my daily routine. Fuck that.

Fuck that.

I will not stand by idle and watch actions sprouted from ineptitude and laziness be passed off as subjective, therapeutic patient care. The bullshit may thrive and I may have to work within it, but I will not let it become me.

I once made a pledge that I will not provide impromptu tech support to people in regards to software just because they know that I know what I am doing. This is partially because I think it's important that users learn to be resourceful and learn to self-troubleshoot, rather than ultimately end up having someone guide them through a process they never absorb or comprehend. It is also because I detest wasting what often amounts to be hours of my time helping people get something running or working as they expect, when that something is often a product with shitty documentation and poor UI choices that relentlessly assault the user with illogical garble. If you don't want to deal with that hassle, what makes you think I do?

What is a normal amount of time to go through without crying at all?

I feel like I want to cry. It's all good, I just feel like it's been an awful long time and a good cry would be nice.

I want very much to go on toy binge, but I am being a good boy thus far. I'm craving a Kindle 2, a HP Mini 1000 Ubuntu edition, a TiVo HD and about $400 worth of music. I must restrain myself.

I want to take some time off from work soon to do some extended slacking, but I also want to wait for it to be warmer out there so I can enjoy the Spring air. I'd like to schedule said slacking for mid-to-late March, but I should really put it off until April - or even May. We'd been planning to head out to San Francisco this Spring, but it looks less and less likely. I don't think Ali's going to be able to get the time off from work and it's hard for either of us to justify scraping together the cash for that at this point. Bleh.

I'd really like to be on a secluded beach this week, with warm breeze, a hammock, some shade, good BBQ, WiFi and a bar within 50 yards or so. Is that so much to ask?

The DSL experiment now comes to and end, as I switch back to Comcast, for the same speed and price I used to pay. Saving about $20 a month and getting theoretically the same real world performance (since the connection is not shared like cable) sounded nice, but the speed is simply not there. It may be rated 3.0mbps up and 768kbps down, but that is nowhere near what you really get. I can easily say that my Comcast real world speeds were consistently at least twice (if not far more) what I am getting with Fairpoint DSL - Oh, and Fairpoint speeds so far are just not consistent through various times of day/night. Also, the whole Verizon>Fairpoint transition is going uhh... not well.

I hate Comcast's dirty politics. I hate Comcast's arbitrary 250GB/month limit. I hate Comcast's bullshitting about rated speed and I hate their behind the scenes shady throttling of things they feel threatened by. In the end, they simply provide a significantly faster, consistent service that is, unfortunately, worth paying too much a month for versus DSL. The Comcast guy is coming out on Wednesday to juice me back up and then I am canceling Fairpoint DSL - It didn't even last a month. Blegh.

God, please bring FIOS to my area.