I probably said this before, but everytime I go without yoga in my life for an extended period, I'm completely amazed at how invigorated I feel when I reincorporate it. Granted, I feel that way when I reincorporate many things into my life, both healthy and not, but I do feel pretty f'in fabulous today.

I went back for acupuncture last weekend, and since then, I'm rockin' a wonderful cocktail of chinese herbs on the daily. My dreams are wild and vivid, but I feel more rested on less sleep; And when I chug down my first glass of water and half a cup of black coffee for the day, I feel like all of my chakras are awakening in unison. My body wants to move and stretch, as if it's been lying dormant for months. I'm constantly aware of the slightest breezes and the smallest sounds around me, while all the loudest noises of man seem to fade into the background. My appetite is generaly lower, my sense of smell is more accurate, and I'm abnormally sensitive to temperature in that I feel cold at times, which is quite unlike me. I'm also not sweating much. No, I'm not on stims. :)

I feel sharper and it compounds. I'm enjoying it for what it is, while it lasts. I'm comitting myself to yoga more often and acupuncture more frequently.

I'm missing drugs lately.

That's all.

We like to happily baste ourselves in our own seed, pretending that the next big change is imminent - and this next one is going to be that real big, fucking special one, like some sort of multi-dimensional awakening, where we all spontaneously sprout a third eye in our foreheads and see life for what it really is, in double-rainbow colored, cotton candy, Teletubby splendor, communicating through raw streams of peace and love, in a geyser of cum through the clouds and heavens...

Fuck all of it. I can comprehend no longer how anyone can take any of it seriously. I hate to be all Ayn Rand about things, but at least the bitch could come right out and admit she was selfish. That shows at least a shred of integrity.

Some people need to believe that what they do matters, to make an impact on the world. I'm over that bullshit. The world doesn't care about or recognize impact until it shakes off the dizzies, by which point the punch has long ago hit, square on target. I feel no shame in admitting that I would be perfectly happy to run across a big payday and never work another day in my life. I wouldn't feel guilty about it one bit and to those who think I should - Blow yourself, you douche hypocrites. I don't owe anything to this existence, nor does it owe anything to me. I'm breathing and happy to keep on doing so as long as the oxygen supply is still around. If I had endlessly deep pockets, I'd feel the same way about my money as I do my oxygen - Just spend the shit however you damn well please and don't worry about it, because there's always going to be more trees to make more oxygen and more cotton to pulp more Jackson's. How can one possibly care about fiscal responsibility, when the entire system as we know it is built on lies and artificial scarcity?

The fun starts as soon as we want it to. Rock with your cocks out and keep the circle jerk goin' while you still can. If you can do this, have fun with it, and admit to yourself that all you're really doing is getting yourself off? Consider yourself spiritually awakened, because you're fuckin' golden, you buddha mother fucker... Golden...

A new feeling has found me lately: the desire to hide myself from the internet - probably not possible at this point in existence.

Here on LJ, it seems there's still a semi-thriving community of emo's and kinks, quietly cutting themselves to feel, but it's hard to tell. Elsewhere, on Twitter, Facebook and Google, the world keeps exploding and feeding on itself in an endless cycle of networked, co-op AdSense regurgitation. Strange, to find myself yearning to be unplugged all of a sudden, after years of advocating plugging in.

Mind-fuck, word-fuck, money-fuck... This is what humans do - fuck each other, until someone feels raw on it and decides they want to be the fucker instead of the fuckee. Some of us decide to advocate for a mix of getting fucked and fucking others, as if a perfect 50/50 balance will somehow cancel out all the fucking going on, but deep down, we still know that it is what it is.

I'm not suggesting we should all wear dark sunglasses at night or anything. On some level, if everyone realizes they are just fuckers, fucking each other and getting fucked, it starts to feel numb, them ok and then good - maybe even fucking great. That's not so bad.

As the world of technology plods ever forward, into the wide open expanse of the unexplored, it makes it's greatest strides when minds alike find each other, with the potential that is unleashed, as they bounce ideas amongst themselves to shape the future ahead.

We instinctively cling to our clandestine social rituals of yesteryear, hampered by generation upon generation of abusive power structures, exploiting the common man - be it out of greed or simply lack of options. Rarely do we realize that lack of choice, is most commonly borne of that very same instinctive drive to hide ourselves, rather than risk exposure.

If the people cannot have true freedom of ideas, without fear of retaliation "IRL", what then, is the point of a social network at all? We are all hypocrites, hiding behind the masks of our screen-names or avatars, shouting wildly into the great oblivion, if we can never grow and mature enough to say (at least occasionally) what we really mean and really feel, as who we really are...

Ah, yes, LJ. This obsolete beast still thrives somehow, pumped full of laundered cash from a remote, Russian outpost. I think it won't be long until LJ gets absorbed into adultfriendfinder.com and is officially declared dead, but I could be wrong. I'm going to muster up a post though, because I got nudged the other day.

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Since my last couple posts into the abyss, I partook in a not-so fun journey with my human condition that has caused me to reevaluate my health as a whole. The pain has passed and I am back to what western medicine considers to be a "clean" bill of health, though back in my little world, I'm coming to terms with my depressive nature. It's been suggested to me before in the past, that I might suffer from depression, but for the most part I've always tuned out that nonsense as being whiny. Here and now, I'm physically feeling better, but emotionally still on the mend.

My current regime involves acupuncture in Boston twice a month, a crazy blend of Chinese herbs steeped in hot water twice daily, cutting out caffeine, sugars and any sweeteners from my beverages and putting in an honest effort to get 4 hours of real exercise per week. At this point, I've been off both coffee and tea for the last month, with the exception of a lapse last week, where I drank a coffee and an espresso, over the span of four days during a road trip to stay awake. I honestly don't miss the caffeine. There are moments in the day where I start to feel tired or run down, but I appropriately recognize those moments now as genuine hunger or thirst respectively and simply drink a tall glass of water. I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Don't worry, I am still proudly enjoying animal flesh - though I am eating a smaller amount of it.

My goal in life right now is to be healthy. I've grown tired of breaking down what exactly that means and I'm sticking to a holistic approach as recommended by my herbalist. His guidance has equated to real progress for me thus far - first physically, then mentally and emotionally - so I am sticking to it.

I'm even eating oatmeal with a tablespoon of black-strap molasses for breakfast these days, with a piece of fruit and Greek yogurt on the side. I've been taking some quality dumps, let me tell you.

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On another note, not too far back I babbled a bit about the iPad. I still stand by most of what I said then, except now that I've used one, I really have no desire for one. The keyboard layout just doesn't work for me. I can't myself doing anything on it other than casual surfing and diddling away time I don't have on games, thus I can't justify the price. My iPhone already does what I want and need 80% of the time and the other 20% that I am using my iMac, I wish I wasn't chained to my desk and kick myself for not buying a MacBook Pro - Thus, I'm probably going to ditch my desktop and go straight-out laptop in the not too distant future, provided I can scrape up the cash to do so.

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I don't have anything else interesting going on and if I did, I probably tweeted about weeks ago. I need to put myself to bed.

The price is too high for what you get right now. I like the $499 price point, but I don't like getting a paltry 16GB of storage for that price - though ironically, when I bought my netbook, I paid pretty close to $500 for a model with a 16GB flash drive and added accessories like extended battery. I think, much like the first gen of the iPhone (which was also overpriced at $599), we will see a pretty hefty chunk of that price lopped off perhaps 6 months after launch as flash memory prices return to normal and Apple is confident enough to see that wider sales justify a smaller, yet decent profit margin.

No multitasking is obviously a problem for this device. With the iPhone, I'm ok and actually appreciate no multitasking, as it's the only "smartphone" out there that actually holds a charge for the course of the day when doing something other than talking on the phone. With the iPad? No, I want my multitasking, at least to some extent. Even if it had an artificial limit to only be able to run two apps at the same time in order to preserve battery life and CPU cycles, I would be happy with that, but if a $400 netbook can multitask decently with pretty good battery life, an iPad needs to be able to multitask as well. I highly suspect we'll see more surprises unveiled leading up to launch, as well as not long after. Pretty much everyone and their mom expects iPhone OS 4.0 to introduce at least some sort of multitasking, if not iPhone OS 3.2. I think it'll happen.

No camera - Honestly, who cares? You're not going to videoconference on a device that you hold under your chin near your lap for normal use, nor are you going to hold the thing up like a fool and look into it like it is a mirror. You're also not going to hold up something the size of an iPad to take relatively shitty quality 4-5MP shots, nor are you going to use something that size and shape to shoot video. People harping on the lack of a camera are simply not thinking about the form factor of the product.

No flash support sucks in a way, but to be perfectly honest, my life on the web gets less and less reliant on Flash by the day. With HTML5, no site operator with a brain will be using Flash for web video or web audio, when HTML5 will let them reach a far wider audience with far less overhead - and this conversion is already happening. Flash's days of dominating online media are numbered, regulating it mainly to Flash apps running within the browser - which is also clearly time-limited. Apple need not sweat lacking a standard that is dying on the vine and encircled already by many an open-source advocate, carrying pitchforks. Yes, it's all money motivated and Apple is blocking Adobe out. Boo-hoo. Adobe has been pulling this crap for years.

rah-rah-rah... Bottom line for me is, I suspect a price drop and a firmware update later and I'll be buying one happily within a year.

I think this blog also absolutely nails what the tech community at large doesn't get about it.

I've found myself lately to be suffering of fatigue, secondary to who the hell knows. Over the last week, I went through a rather nasty stomach bug (or maybe it was food poisoning), which was quite a drain, but despite my recent malnourishment and slow recovery to a normal diet, this fatigue goes back further.

I certainly do not exercise enough, though in the not-so distant past, I did routinely. While it certainly boosted my energy levels somewhat, I still found that I would drag after only a couple hours into the day. Over the last six months or so, I've solved this with coffee, but I grow tired of the other effects this has on my life, like dis-regulating my sleep or that rapid up/down feeling you get as the caffeine rush ends.

The bottom line is, I've tried just about everything I can think of, but despite a relatively healthy diet, regular and restful sleep, exercise and yoga, I still feel drained and devoid of energy for at least half of my waking hours. No, I am not depressed - maybe at times, but no more so than anyone else on Earth and nothing that isn't routine for the cycles of life. I think I may be genuinely chronically fatigued.

I guess my next step is going to be ramping up on yoga and exercise activity, cutting back coffee even more - if not entirely and switching over completely to green tea. I eat well and a I take a multi-vitamin, but sure, I guess I could start taking a b-complex vitamin or something every day as well. I still can't help but wonder, if my somewhat frequent inability to focus on a task for an extended follow-through, is directly related to this fatigue?

One could say I am just lazy and that I want to believe I have something that I do not, just so I can take something to solve my problems. That would probably be true, but in this moment, I honestly think it goes beyond an explanation that simple.